My Heart Is Nuclear

Dear A-Yao,

This was going to be a response to your last missive but then I came across Wangji and a small group of junior disciples and I'm so confused, A-Yao. I'm so hurt and angry and scared on top of it all.

Yes, I'm scared. Not of da-ge, heaven's forbid! Even as he is now – dead and in pieces, like a child's broken toy. Wangji was having difficulties subduing him but he heard me. It might be prideful but that's what I believe. And here, in this letter I will never send, I can put that thought down.

A-Yao, you seem to have a lot of dead brothers. I've never thought of it as anything other than a tragedy but...it is a lot, A-Yao. Jin Zixuan, Mo Xuanyu, Nie Mingjue. I know you said Mo-gongzi was...disturbed, to put it lightly, but did you know he was in so much pain he ripped himself to shreds? Not just shattered or eroded, but purposefully shredded his very soul and karma to use that power to pull Wei Wuxian into his body in a summoning spell so vile and powerful that if it had failed the backlash would have shaken even Lotus Pier.

I am only thankful he called Wei-gongzi and not someone or something worse. He could have called Wen Ruohan or Yanling Daoren or some horrific demon – a real one, not just Wei-gongzi pushed into a corner like a hunted fox.

I don't want to believe them, A-Yao. Isn't that sad? They provided evidence and while it isn't anything as damnable as seeing you with their own eyes or having a missive in your own hand, I've killed people on less solid basis. Once upon a time, this was the exact type of evidence used to condemn Wei Wuxian and his Wen. It was the kind that condemned the Tingshan He and the Xiaoguan Zou.

I have believed this exact type of evidence in the past and it has almost always led to such horror. I would love to say that is why I am being cautious now, but even in this kind of letter, I cannot lie to myself that much.

The truth is much simpler. Much more selfish.

I love you, A-Yao. Not like I love Wangji or the way I love A-Jue, even now. But I love you and don't want to believe that I don't know you. That it was I, not Wangji, that loved a lie and an illusion.

You wouldn't do the things they say you have. I know it.

It's not true.

Tell me it's not true.

 Hmmm....Well, I mean, that's a good point. You really shouldn't replace one culture with another, that is really intensive and not cool. And just because it's been done by other people, doesn't mean the people seeing YOUR work know about them or haven't said anything about the other works. Okay.

 Jewish blending AU's, where clans are mixed? WHOA, WHOA, WHY DO YOU HATE TAOISTS AND CHINESE PEOPLE?

 What? Excuse me? How is that – there isn't even any erasure here? There's BLENDING of cultures??

 Oh, I'm sorry, the other culture is Jewish. Right, right, sorry. My bad, I'm sure they didn't mean to get their Jewish hands all over your media and dirty it up.

 Oh, you think that isn't the problem? Please show me other fics that have been dogpiled and then deleted for being, say, Modern AU's taking place in America. That's a huge tag. I'll wait.

 How about the huge number of American Christian AU's? That's a huge tag too. Those are replacing the Chinese culture with American culture, so those HAVE to be bad too, right?

 Oh, they're not? Some of the biggest names dragging Jewish fans through the mud and saying they can't write or do art here have written those kind of AU's?

 Okay, okay, we can leave the actual FICs out of it, you're right we don't want to direct hate towards those authors, esp since they don't have any haters right now.

 How about huge tumblr posts about how problematic those AU's are to the Chinese diaspora fans and also mainland Chinese fans in English fandom? I'm sure those exist, after all I can think of at least one HUGE tumblr post all about Jewish AU's being vastly problematic.

 No? Those don't exist either?

 Oh, ok.

 I get it.

 My bad. It was the Jewish thing, wasn't it?