My Heart Is Nuclear

This went in a weird direction. The last part has some partner violence in the form of one person shoving their partner into a wall, because he’s an asshole who thought just because he got invited to his partner’s room that meant they were going to get it on and when that turned out not to be the case, he reacted like a caveman.

“So, which of you is the evil twin?” Croakie leers at them, leaning into Luke’s space and dragging his eyes down her body in a way that makes her desperately want to punch him in the mouth. She clenches her jaw and tells herself that he is an important intelligence asset, with important information for the Alliance, and she is not allowed to punch him.

At least not until he gives her the intel.
 

“I am.” Leia says and socks him right in the nose. He goes down with a howl, clutching his face and judging from the snap she heard, Leia just broke his nose. She feels her jaw drop as she stares at her sister, who kneels down to yank a datachip from Croakie’s vest pocket.
 

“Yof fuck’n bitch!” Croakie slurs, but he doesn’t move from the ground.

“The Alliance thanks you for your service.” Leia says and twirls around, grabbing Luke’s hand, and tows her away. She’s too shocked to do anything else but stumble after her.

“So, who’s the evil twin?” Jan Li asks, smirking at them both, and Luke sighs because really? Why is Li like this?

“I’m about to be if you don’t improve your flight times.” Luke snaps, tired and cold. Jan Li roars in laughter as she passes them by to go to her X-wing and as she’s passing Leia, she smacks her butt. Leia jumps, squawks, and turns around to go after her. Luke grabs her arm.

“You’re doing spinning drills for the rest of the night, Li!” She shouts and feels no shame when the other pilot complains and says she’s overreacting.

“I’m going to hide a Kressi spider in her bunk.” Leia announces and Luke follows after to be her lookout.

Oh my god. Oh my god, guys, guys. I FORGOT ABOUT THE HOLO RECORDING BEING ACTUALLY VISIBLE AND NOT GRAINY!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!! MY BRAIN SKIPPED OVER AND WENT STRAIGHT TO HUMOR FOR ONCE, OMFG!!
 

Like, OF COURSE!! GAH OMG!! The recording is clear enough for Luke to see that Leia is stressed, worried, and beautiful. Just because the CGI wasn’t that great when it was filmed and thus things came across as grainy and hard to see doesn’t mean that is true in the story. Well, in light of that:

The little droid is truly filthy and Luke is trying to find any excuse to stay inside and out of the sun. She’s ashamed to admit it, but she still feels a little wobbly from the trip - her cycle has always made heatstroke easier to succumb to. The droid trills at her as she scrubs viciously at a particularly annoying brown spot and then she catches sight of something lodged in the droid’s neck joints. Whatever it is could short out the droid’s optics if left in for too long so she grabs a rag to try and tug it free with her hands, hoping it was come out rather easily. It was jammed in there rather tight though, so she hunted around for a pick to knock it loose.
 

The protocol droid is wiping itself down and with a rather hard twist the piece of metal comes loose, sending her tumbling back. A holo recording pops up and as she rights herself to look at it, she has to pause in shock at what her eyes are seeing. The figure in the recording was a young woman, clad in white, with her hair in buns at either side of her face. But it was her face that was the most shocking part of it - Luke knew that face, had seen it all her life in reflections.
 

The young woman had Luke’s cheekbones, had her small nose and sharp jaw, and the small dip between her eyes. It was like looking into a foggy mirror because Luke’s hair wasn’t nearly that long and she wouldn’t be able to afford anything that nice or keep it that clean. And her voice!
 

“Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi; you’re my only hope.”
 

Well, this is how it starts:
 

She hovers in the shadows of Sky–Padme’s funeral. The Emperor paraded her corpse around like a victory flag, showing off her still heavily pregnant belly and she wished more than anything that she had been there, done something. She should have been there. She could have protected her, would have stayed with her out of the way while Anakin and Obi-Wan dealt with things. It would have been like old times.
 

(Only, she wasn’t a Jedi and yet the clones were everywhere, killing them all, oh what had been done to them? And if that man was the monster, then what did he do to her Skyguy? Padme was dead.)
 

Queen Apailana wept as she walked, flanked by her handmaidens, and she could just make out the small forms of Padme’s nieces, wrapped in mourning colors and solemn faced. She didn’t know which humans were Padme’s parents, having never met or seen holos of them, and it makes her uncomfortable to admit it. People were weeping all around her, gungan and human alike, and just as she was about to leave to indulge in her own mourning she caught the sight of Bail Organa out of the corner of her eye.
 

He looked awful, like he hadn’t slept in ages, and though his face was dry he felt…bruised and wrung out in the Force. Next to him was his wife, the Queen of Alderaan and in her arms was a small bundle of cloth.
 

(She made herself go into the temple, even though it was swarming with Imps. She had to see, had to know. She’d made it through the upper levels, where knights and padawans had laid slain and the upper crèche where the younglings lay, eyes open and sightless. Blasters didn’t instantly cauterize wounds so the place was covered in blood and it was seeped in darkness and hate. So much hate. She’d screamed when she got to the first infant room, whirled around to throw herself into a pillar, tears running down her face. It was too much, it was – she would have vomited if not for the blaster fire.)
 

The Naboo people entomb their beloved Queen in stone and bury her in flowers. She knows a small bit of Naboo Flower Lore, enough to read a few of the truly beautiful odes to her, and she finds herself desperately searching amongst them for anything too passionate, too filled with love, but it’s impossible.
 

Skyguy is dead. He has to be – Padme is dead.
 

(She’s hiding like a coward at her own friend’s funeral. Her friend who was pregnant, Oh, Skyguy, why didn’t I comm you my new contact information?)
 

She stays in the tomb long past the funeral. She’s there to see the first and the last visitor and doesn’t dare come down from her perch until the stone doors are swung closed as the sun rises at dawn the next day. She’s exhausted, but more than that she’s heartsick.
 

She lays her hand on Padme’s cold, too hard cheek. She’s never touched a corpse before, never been in a position to do so before and…it’s all wrong. Skygal is too hard and cold, her skin waxy and she’s utterly empty – no slight flow of her blood just under the surface of her skin, no butterfly touch of the Force, no split moment of Anakin skating across her fingertips, an echo of the bond between them.
 

“I’m sorry. I – I’m so sorry, Padme, I…” She leaned down to touch their foreheads together, tears falling from her eyes onto the older woman’s face. Not just Skyguy and Skygal but the little one too, all of them gone. Master Obi-Wan and Plo Koon too, every Jedi she’d ever known or seen or felt or –
 

Everyone. Gone.
 

And then it can go two different ways, can’t it? She can find Leia or she can find Luke. And I think it honestly makes the most sense for her to find Leia, because Bail, Breha, and Leia are right there. And Ahsoka is alone and hurt and she hasn’t been a Jedi for years so now that ball of complicated emotions is fueled by the fact that she can never show any of them how wrong they were to abandon her, can never show Anakin that she made something of herself without him but not in spite of him. She can never thank him for being there for her, for training her, for believing in her, and then for letting her go.
 

She’s so filled with conflicting emotions and righteous anger and, well, Bail is right there and he has the beginnings of a fledgling Rebellion on one hand while the other one holds Padme’s daughter.
 

Ahsoka becomes Leia’s nanny and personal bodyguard, but I feel like Bail would also withhold some truths from Ahsoka. He would, of course, confirm that Leia is Padme and Anakin’s kid – between what Leia would feel like once she was more comfy and the way she looks like a devastatingly cute baby version of Padme with Anakin’s eyes staring out at them it’s hard to deny that. But Bail would also see her as a child since Ahsoka was only eighteen and no longer a Jedi or a politician. I think he’d keep the truth of what happened to Anakin from her for as long as he could, possibly stretching that truth until Leia was maybe five or six – still too young to be able to handle the knowledge that her parents weren’t the ones who birthed her without feeling a measure of uncertainty and maybe even abandonment.
 

Leia would grow up with a playmate who taught her extra things, not just boring things like reading and writing but fun things like how to make toys fly and how to throw her icky food to the floor without “being unladylike by not using proper utensils”. Ahsoka would teach Leia a little like how she was taught by the Jedi: work up to meditation by doing breathing exercises at bedtime, hold the girl in her lap as she lightly meditated and let Leia feel the Force around them; and emphasizing empathy and fairness during playtimes.
 

Leia would grow up knowing how to create really good mental shields because she’d feel how sad her Ahsoka was sometimes and it would scare her. Even worse, sometimes when Ahsoka slept Leia would see her dreams and wake up crying and want her parents. Ahsoka would teach her the basics at first so it would be easy for her to go in and make them herself but then Leia just…went the extra parsec and did them herself.
 

(As she sees the progress Leia makes, sees the hurdles she bounces over like they’re nothing instead of the huge mountains they are, she’d start to understand a little what it must have been like for Anakin. Anakin, who was self-taught before he came to the Jedi too old and too emotional; Anakin, who was so strong and had no one to support him; Anakin, who knew family and love and loss and was told to get over it. She’d marvel at Master Obi-Wan, who managed to get Anakin to where he was in the Order at all.)
 

The Rebellion would be doing it’s thing in the background, chugging away and sometimes Ahsoka would go out on missions but most of the time she was staying on Aldaraan to protect its princess.
 

I feel like she’d meet Darth Vader before Bail ever got around to telling her the truth about what happened to Anakin Skywalker as he knew it. And it guts her because under all that darkness, she knows that force signature. She doesn’t know this monster’s fighting style, all lethal power strikes and brute strength, none of the agility and acrobatics her Skyguy was known for – but that presence was unmistakable, even smothered as it was with the Dark.
 

Bail tells her Anakin fell, that Anakin lead the temple slaughter, that Anakin fought Obi-Wan, that Anakin hurt Padme and – it’s too much and not enough all at once. Yes, she knows that Palpatine = Sidious but surely he hadn’t influenced Anakin so much that he’d ever do –
 

“He loved kids. He spend hours in the crèche and he had a censor file that was over five gigabytes large, text based, full of overclocking and encouraging attachments among the young and – you’re lying. You have to be lying or confused or – “ Ahsoka is frantic, waving her arms, and Bail is as calm and unflappable as ever.
 

“Obi-Wan confirmed it.” Is all he says and Ahsoka can’t believe her ears.
 

“You don’t – you’re not listening to me; Anakin would never harm children! He’d never let anyone shoot infants – innocent, sleeping in their beds, awake and staring at the ceiling, babies – when he was alive! You’re all confused!” She shouts back, her voice hysterical and mind whirling and she’s back in the temple, in the infant rooms, there’s blood pouring out of the bassinets. One of their heads was just a mush of –
 

“Ahsoka, I was trying to spare you this.” Bail says and he sounds so much like Master Windu that she wants to punch him right in the mouth, but he’s hugging her and she’s clinging to him, gasping and trying not to gag over the stench of death and blood and fear and hate and Skyguy would never!
 

“Soka?” Leia’s voice, soft and unsure, sounds from nearby. She’s Anakin’s daughter, Anakin’s baby. Her little Skywalker.
 

“Leia, go back to your room, honey.” Bail says gently.
 

“What’s wrong with Soka?” Leia demands, little voice firm and she’s so much like her father. So much like – she’s going to vomit.
 

Ahsoka tells Leia about her biological mother and father when she turns thirteen. Old enough to know the difference between parents and genetic donors. Young enough that she still wants to know about her other parents, the ones who aren’t here anymore, and Ahsoka tells her the truth from a certain point of view.
 

(Light years away, Luke Skywalker is told that his father was a freed slave who became a pilot, who was killed in the Clone Wars. A good man, Anakin Skywalker, was and much loved. His aunt and uncle don’t remember his mother’s name, but they remember the way she and Anakin looked at each other, the way Owen accidently saw Anakin crumpled in her arms after the death of Shmi. His mother was a beautiful off-worlder who dressed in the color of water and had her own ship.)
 

Leia is not trained to be the last hope of the Jedi Order. She’s raised to be who she is – Leia Organa, birth child of Anakin Skywalker and Padme Naberrie Amidala. She uses the force and uses Ahsoka’s old lightsabers, smuggled off of Coruscant as it was still making the transition to Imperial Coruscant. They fit in her hands perfectly but she’ll always prefer a blaster.
 

Ahsoka doesn’t follow Leia into the senate, leaves others to guard her there, and when Captain Andor rounds people up for a suicide mission to get some plans, Ahsoka goes with them. It’s exactly the kind of mission an ex-Jedi would be of use for.
 

So she goes to Scarif. She’s part of the ground forces, because that’s where she’d be of most use, spreading the fear of a Jedi aligned with the Alliance. She sees the data stream go up into the sky and feels Leia, distant and bright. The Death Star fires and she reaches for Anakin for the first time in years, stretching along a bond that should have been shattered years ago but isn’t.
 

It’s a beautiful and terrifying sight, this horrible weapon of the Empire’s. She has so much she wants to say to her Skyguy, so much she wants to scream at him, but there’s not enough time.
 

For a brief moment she feels his hand on her shoulder, fingers squeezing in quiet support, and then she doesn’t feel much of anything at all.

This got go much longer than I anticipated. I’m so sorry. 
 

Some defining of terms: In Naboo culture, because I say so, instead of godparents families choose a second set of parents for their kids just in case something were to ever happen to the original set. These are called second families and are usually regarded as either close relations or a step-family, depending on the families in question. Padme’s second family was made up of two mothers and one daughter, who went on to become one of her handmaidens when she became queen. Her name was Cordé, as in the one who was blown up in Padme’s place in AOTC. Making her Padmé’s pseudo-sister also explains why she was so willing to potentially die in her place, even after Padmé was no longer Queen.
 

Because Padme and Bail are so close, she offers the position of second family to him and Breha when the twins are born and they accept. Bail is called Ouder and Breha Moeder, which are literally just the Dutch words for Mother and Father because I’m creative like that. They’re very much like Luke and Leia’s step-parents.

When Luke and Leia are fourteen, they go to Alderaan for the first time. They don’t remember ever leaving Naboo, though they both know that the first three or so years of their lives were spent on the run throughout the known (and unknown) galaxy. When their mother tells them that they are going to visit their second family, going to spend their fall break with them by themselves, they’re ecstatic at the thought of leaving the planet, the idea of getting to travel in a real starship, the pseudo-independence they will soon have, and seeing the stars up close. They spend the fortnight leading up to their departure in a state of excitement and barely contained glee. They love their Moeder and Ouder, Breha and Bail Organa, but usually the couple comes to them.
 

They spend their fall vacation there, learning about Alderaan and having fun with their family. Leia absorbs the customs, language, and food like she was born there – there’s something about the planet that calls to her, reminds her of home in a way she wasn’t expecting. She follows her Ouder around and asks a million questions about his day, his routines, his activities, anything that comes to mind. He’s delighted that she’s so interested and brags to anyone that will sit still for a few moments about his protégée. She dresses and speaks like a native so much that people start to call her Princess Organa fondly and she beams every time she hears it.
 

Luke likes Alderaan alright, but he misses Naboo more than she does. Alderaan in fall is colder than he’s used to for the season, with different trees and fruits, and his tongue trips him up with pronunciation. Leia learns languages quickly, always had, and the main dialect of Alderense comes to her easily but Luke has more difficulties. He speaks the language passably well for a foreigner, but it’s easy to tell he’s not from there, that he’s an outsider. People are more than willing to slow down when talking to Leia, maybe explain a few more complicated phrases to her, but with Luke they just smile and say there’s nothing wrong with Basic. He’s happy that Leia loves it here so much but he, personally, wants to go home. He doesn’t have a lot in common with his Ouder, but his Moeder and he seem to like the same kind of music and plays. He likes the musicals Alderaan is famous for, loves the various types and genres, and the most expensive thing he buys while there is a holo-recording of the opening night to a musical called Chasing Stars that’s about a pair of star-crossed lovers separated by an evil emperor and in the end they stage a revolution that almost tears them apart but ultimately makes them more intertwined. He’s about 90% sure it’s inspired by his parents and tries not to think about that too hard. His favorite song is the piece used for their wedding night – a wild, desperate, sensual love song that makes the tips of his ears burn and his stomach flutter. He hums it to himself when he’s tinkering on broken things around the palace, when he’s practicing the alphabet for this new language that he will get the hang of if only for his sister’s sake, when he’s bored and lonely in the dark.
 

THAT AU IS MY JAM, FAVORITE THING EVER!!!
 

The first thing I have to say is that in AUs where Anakin doesn’t fall he starts the process of crashing back into himself in the Jedi Temple, before slaughtering a bunch of children. He can’t do it and attacks his clone troopers. Order 66 still happens, but because Anakin fights Palpatine’s influence so much he manages to fling his mind out to the Jedi in the field and it saves some of their lives. He saves a lot of the younglings and padawans in the Temple and barricades the place thoroughly.
 

The Holonet goes dark and all communications off planet go dark with it. Padme, heavily pregnant and on edge because she can almost taste that something is terribly wrong, takes C3PO and leaves her apartment to see Bail Organa. It saves her life and the lives of the twins because Palpatine orders her entire building to be raised to the ground in an effort to get control of Anakin again. She’s halfway to Bail’s office when she sees the fire and thinks, half in shock, about the fact that one of Anakin’s shirts is still under her pillow and now she can’t return it. 
 

Then she changes directions and heads for the Jedi Temple. She doesn’t know, exactly, that Anakin is there but she knows he’ll return there eventually and she’ll be safe. She thinks about Anakin thrashing in his sleep and telling her that he’ll make sure she won’t die, that he’ll do anything to protect her, to save her. The Temple is surrounded by fire, smoke, and armed clone troopers who take one look at her and open fire. C3PO gets shot multiple times in her place and eventually goes down in a hail of blaster fire as Padme runs and dodges as best she can. She gets hit in the shoulder and the back of the leg and falls right into the fire. Instead of burning her, it rises up around her and pulls her into the Temple, somehow. 
 

She gives birth to the twins inside the Jedi Temple, Anakin attending her, while a handful of younglings - around fifteen - and ten padawans cluster in the next room. There’s too much blood and she feels hands around her lungs, her heart, squeezing, and Anakin presses his forehead against hers, eyes full of fire and something that frightens her. Leia comes into the world first and its when Padme sees her small body swaddled in Anakin’s robes, not a proper blanket, that she lets rage take her.